Having Faith

 

I think it’s about time for me to stop skirting around the issue here and explain an important part of my life.

 

I am Catholic. I believe in the dogma and the doctrines of the Roman Catholic faith. I believe in the hierarchy and the tradition of the Church on Earth (the Church Militant), acknowledging and not shying away from any of its dark times throughout history. I also believe in an afterlife and that heaven’s members there are known as the Church Triumphant, which is devoid of all of the human flaws throughout its existence..

 

Part of being Catholic is being Christian. That is, believing that Jesus Christ was Who He said He was. This also means holding the Bible as sacred, which was composed by the Church Militant. To me, this is more than just a book; this is a living, breathing story of Who this infinite and seemingly unknowable God is.

 

Being existential and humanitarian, sometimes I may not show that this is my core. It is. The history and teachings of the Church Militant and the person of this Jesus-figure provide the lens through which I view reality.

 

And sometimes, I am struck by how this is so important to me.

 

Pope Benedict XVI has it been this church-year the Year of Faith, which is a great time for me to reflect on why I believe what I believe.

 

I recently heard a good talk on my friend Sister Fatima Aphiri about faith that was taken directly from the Bible. All creativity and goodness that may be in this story goes to her. I am just writing it down because I thought it important.

 

The story taken from the Bible is a familiar one to most Christians. It is the story of Peter being called by Jesus for the first time. Peter had just gotten back from fishing all night with no catches. Jesus then asked Peter to get back in his boat and go out fishing. At some point when their journey Jesus asked Peter to drop his meds in the water. When Peter pulled them back up there were so many fish that the boat was in danger of sinking. At this, Peter shied from Jesus and said, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man.” Jesus’s words to Peter were “Follow me and I will make you a fisher of men.”

 

Sr. Fatima proceeded to go through the story, painting a picture of the scene that had been left out in at least my mind.

 

Peter must’ve been discouraged, having been out all night as a fisherman and returning home with nothing. This meant that any wages he was hoping to earn from the night and not been received. So, probably exhausted and downtrodden, he returns to the shore to go home. Suddenly this strange person, a carpenter no less, asks Peter to get in his boat and cast off again to fish.

 

In this light, it would be completely understandable, and almost more realistic, for Peter to say “No thanks,” and go home to his wife and his bed. Yeah for some reason, he doesn’t do that. He goes along with the strange man is not even a fisherman.

 

And we are left to wonder why.

 

I know that in my life, I’ve sometimes done the irrational things just because they “felt right.” In such cases logic slipped me and I went with my gut. Being the logical, I think, is an admirable trait and one that must also be kept in moderation. I think that their life there’s a time to be logical and a time to be whimsy. I think this is very similar to “a time to work and a time to play.”

 

Anyway, for whatever reason, Peter decides to get back into his boat and cast off. Whenever his homeboy the carpenter tells him to drop his nets, seemingly arbitrarily, Peter does so. After Peter pulls in the huge catch offsets his failed attempt at finishing the night before, He says a curious thing to Jesus. “Get away from me, for I am a sinful man.”

 

It seems that on seeing the size of the big catch Peter would be ecstatic and maybe talk to Jesus about going fishing again. However, his reaction is opposite.

 

Sister told us that there are two of the worst circumstances in life. One is dying without ever actualizing your dream. The other is actualizing your dream, yet realizing it isn’t as important as you thought it was.

 

It seems like after making the biggest catch of his career, Peter may not have felt the elation that he dreamed it would bring.

 

One of the saddest feelings I’ve ever encountered this when I obtain a long-sought after goal, and have the dismal thought, “Now what?”

 

However, what Jesus says next, always cryptic for me past, makes new sense. One of Peter’s presumed goals in life, his dream of being a great fisherman, turned out to actually not fulfill him.

 

Jesus may have taken that very human goal of Peter’s and sanctified it; made it profound. “You’re not just going to be a great fisherman anymore. You’re going to be a fisherman of men’s hearts.”

 

I think it’s important to note that Peter’s goal to be a good fisherman was left intact. It was just very profound by Jesus.

 

I hope that the same happens in my life. I have dreams and goals. I think they’re pretty darn good. But I hope that, in some way, my goals can be a sacrament. The physical act designed to show God’s presence in the world.

 

For now, my idealistic existential and humanitarian goals are still intact – my goal is to improve this side of heaven in whatever ways I can. And hopefully, spread some love while I do that.

 

And hopefully have fun while I do it.

 

Special thanks to Sister Fatima Aphiri and Amy Stout.