More Authentic, Less Fearful

Why do we do what we do?

 

This question has been almost ubiquitous to me recently, showing itself in many different forms. Mostly, I see it through social media, the window to people’s thoughts in the twenty-first century. Especially in cases of politics and religion (which seem uncannily and most regrettably similar in most people’s minds), the woeful rants and Jeremiads abound.

 

Dissatisfaction with the current political clime has let to several states comically threatening to secede from the country. Sportsmanlike conduct, noble in both victory and defeat, is abandoned to anyone who was to actually sign these petitions. Like a toddler throwing a tantrum, compromise is out of the question; we’d rather take our gloves and march off the field in blatant and immature defiance than work towards bettering an undesirable outcome. Because I didn’t vote for who sits behind the desk of the Oval Office seems the primary and only reason for signing the secession. We have the right to secede. This is America, after all. …oh wait; that’s the point petition-signers are fighting against.

 

I am inspired by the strength of people’s faith when they decide to post on Facebook or Tweet about it. However, when the message is “Believe this, or else…” my heart breaks a little bit. A message based on fear is not sufficient. Even and especially regarding faith, fear/guilt is not a valid tactic for conversion. If the answer to why you believe what you believe is based on guilt or fear, you are making no converts; and more importantly, you are not in the right frame of mind.

 

Fear that a tyrant leads the US and guilt that you don’t sacrifice enough to appease your god are shadowlike reactions. Being thoughtful, slowing down, and shining a light on them will reveal that they aren’t substantial responses.

 

Feeding Christians to lions if they didn’t worship Caesar as a god, threatening to condemn people to Hell and to torture for printing a Bible in the vernacular, and protesting the “God loves dead soldiers” next to a veteran’s funeral don’t make authentic, genuine believers out of anyone.

 

Threats simply do not work to change people’s minds and hearts. I think it’s time to start being real.

 

Being  willfully less than genuine seems to be a characteristic that humanity shuns. Voters are appalled by a candidate who flip-flops on issues, constant lying is a universally ignoble act, being “fake” is an insult arbitrarily dealt by by teenage girls to each other, on any list of manly characteristics “being honest” is normally towards the top, etc., etc.

 

As a group, people seem to gravitate toward what seems real and genuine, instead of what seems forced on them by fear or by guilt. 

 

This doesn’t just make sense to me; this theme is pivotal to what kind of person I want to be. More authentic, less fearful.

 

Those familiar with my writing and speaking know that I am always talking about this theme: being authentic. It’s so redundant that it seems aggravating. What put so much stock into this sole character trait? Authentic/genuine/honest… That sounds good, but there are so many other good character traits to look at: bravery, friendliness, piousness, etc. Why limit my scope?

 

Maybe the reason I choose to focus on being honest and genuine has something to do with my own story. As I progressed through childhood knowing that I was becoming less and less independent physically, I let the fear of what would happen in the future and the guilt of not being the pristine boy everyone wanted me to be stagnate me. Both the fear of the future and the guilt of not meeting the expectations of the past kept me from living in the present.

 

Honestly, this was a heavy burden to carry.

 

Only in the process of living in the present did I finally feel unburdened and I finally enjoyed life.

 

Realigning my life authenticity at its center has been very beneficial for me. And, perhaps egotistically, I think that is important in all major facets of life. Whether we are learning, exploring politics, or trying to find this God-person, it’s very important that we not be persuaded by either guilt or fear.

 

I’m not saying that guilt or fear don’t exist or that they’re not parts of our lives. What I am saying is that reality supersedes fear and guilt. When pondering anything that’s important, I hope that I am not swayed by these two.

 

And I the most authentic or honest person there is? Do I never lie? Should I be upheld as a pillar of authenticity?

 

Nah. I’m working on it, but nah. I’ll just do my thing, and hopefully improve along the way. And I hope that you do the same. Just be genuine about it.

 

27 horses.

Having Faith

 

I think it’s about time for me to stop skirting around the issue here and explain an important part of my life.

 

I am Catholic. I believe in the dogma and the doctrines of the Roman Catholic faith. I believe in the hierarchy and the tradition of the Church on Earth (the Church Militant), acknowledging and not shying away from any of its dark times throughout history. I also believe in an afterlife and that heaven’s members there are known as the Church Triumphant, which is devoid of all of the human flaws throughout its existence..

 

Part of being Catholic is being Christian. That is, believing that Jesus Christ was Who He said He was. This also means holding the Bible as sacred, which was composed by the Church Militant. To me, this is more than just a book; this is a living, breathing story of Who this infinite and seemingly unknowable God is.

 

Being existential and humanitarian, sometimes I may not show that this is my core. It is. The history and teachings of the Church Militant and the person of this Jesus-figure provide the lens through which I view reality.

 

And sometimes, I am struck by how this is so important to me.

 

Pope Benedict XVI has it been this church-year the Year of Faith, which is a great time for me to reflect on why I believe what I believe.

 

I recently heard a good talk on my friend Sister Fatima Aphiri about faith that was taken directly from the Bible. All creativity and goodness that may be in this story goes to her. I am just writing it down because I thought it important.

 

The story taken from the Bible is a familiar one to most Christians. It is the story of Peter being called by Jesus for the first time. Peter had just gotten back from fishing all night with no catches. Jesus then asked Peter to get back in his boat and go out fishing. At some point when their journey Jesus asked Peter to drop his meds in the water. When Peter pulled them back up there were so many fish that the boat was in danger of sinking. At this, Peter shied from Jesus and said, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man.” Jesus’s words to Peter were “Follow me and I will make you a fisher of men.”

 

Sr. Fatima proceeded to go through the story, painting a picture of the scene that had been left out in at least my mind.

 

Peter must’ve been discouraged, having been out all night as a fisherman and returning home with nothing. This meant that any wages he was hoping to earn from the night and not been received. So, probably exhausted and downtrodden, he returns to the shore to go home. Suddenly this strange person, a carpenter no less, asks Peter to get in his boat and cast off again to fish.

 

In this light, it would be completely understandable, and almost more realistic, for Peter to say “No thanks,” and go home to his wife and his bed. Yeah for some reason, he doesn’t do that. He goes along with the strange man is not even a fisherman.

 

And we are left to wonder why.

 

I know that in my life, I’ve sometimes done the irrational things just because they “felt right.” In such cases logic slipped me and I went with my gut. Being the logical, I think, is an admirable trait and one that must also be kept in moderation. I think that their life there’s a time to be logical and a time to be whimsy. I think this is very similar to “a time to work and a time to play.”

 

Anyway, for whatever reason, Peter decides to get back into his boat and cast off. Whenever his homeboy the carpenter tells him to drop his nets, seemingly arbitrarily, Peter does so. After Peter pulls in the huge catch offsets his failed attempt at finishing the night before, He says a curious thing to Jesus. “Get away from me, for I am a sinful man.”

 

It seems that on seeing the size of the big catch Peter would be ecstatic and maybe talk to Jesus about going fishing again. However, his reaction is opposite.

 

Sister told us that there are two of the worst circumstances in life. One is dying without ever actualizing your dream. The other is actualizing your dream, yet realizing it isn’t as important as you thought it was.

 

It seems like after making the biggest catch of his career, Peter may not have felt the elation that he dreamed it would bring.

 

One of the saddest feelings I’ve ever encountered this when I obtain a long-sought after goal, and have the dismal thought, “Now what?”

 

However, what Jesus says next, always cryptic for me past, makes new sense. One of Peter’s presumed goals in life, his dream of being a great fisherman, turned out to actually not fulfill him.

 

Jesus may have taken that very human goal of Peter’s and sanctified it; made it profound. “You’re not just going to be a great fisherman anymore. You’re going to be a fisherman of men’s hearts.”

 

I think it’s important to note that Peter’s goal to be a good fisherman was left intact. It was just very profound by Jesus.

 

I hope that the same happens in my life. I have dreams and goals. I think they’re pretty darn good. But I hope that, in some way, my goals can be a sacrament. The physical act designed to show God’s presence in the world.

 

For now, my idealistic existential and humanitarian goals are still intact – my goal is to improve this side of heaven in whatever ways I can. And hopefully, spread some love while I do that.

 

And hopefully have fun while I do it.

 

Special thanks to Sister Fatima Aphiri and Amy Stout.